Drabble Wednesday: Christmas Eve

Here’s the Christmas Eve edition of Drabble Wednesday, with three holiday stories full of wacky Christmas cheer…

Santa Got Pulled Over By A Policeman

(In Canada)

A red and white blur sped past the cop in the parked cruiser. The officer plunked his Tim Horton’s coffee in the cup holder, flicked on the lights and sirens, and gave chase to the speeder. Within minutes, he had the offender pulled over.

“You know you were going 70 in a 50 kilometre zone, right?”

“Ho, ho, ho!”

“Plus, I’ll have to write you a citation for operating, uh, a sleigh without a valid license.”

“Ho, ho, ho! Oh no!”

"And I’m going to have to give that—that reindeer with the red nose a breathalyser test.”

“Merry Christmas!”

Christmas Wars

Jingles the reindeer found the crumpled corpse under the Christmas tree, missing a hand. He pawed the body, but it was too late.

“Why? Why? Who would do this awful thing to the Elf on the Shelf?”

“A great disturbance, I sense.”

A tiny wizened green creature appeared from beneath the holiday foliage. In his hands he carried the Elf’s missing appendage and a shiny cylindrical object. He stared at the deceased Elf.

“Teaching him, I was. Listen, he did not.  Defeated not the enemy, failed did he.”

A laugh rang out. “He underestimated the power of the dark side.”

The Magic of Gifting

I nudged the wrapped gift with my toe, half expecting something to pop out. You might think that’s paranoid, but after the gerbil incident I don’t trust strange presents left on my doorstep. Especially when they’re packaged in snowman paper and topped with frilly pink bows. I thought about leaving it, but that might endanger the neighbourhood.

I lifted it gingerly by the gaudy bow, carried it indoors and opened it carefully, the fire extinguisher handy.  I gasped. Inside lay a hideous rubber chicken.

He wouldn't. Not the Fiendish Chicken of Severus Snape.

Drat Harry Potter and his Christmas pranks.

Note:

Unfortunately, no one entered last week’s contest to win a free book, 

so I have no winners to announce.

Steampunk Santa

A short Christmas Eve tale...

Steampunk Santa

Once Upon a Christmas Eve, way up at the North Pole, nestled in the snow, sprawled Santa’s Village. Now if you think, from all the sweet tales that have been spun, that this place was a place of dreams, made of gingerbread and sugar plums, you would be wrong.

No, the settlement that housed Old St. Nick and his industrious band of elves was a home of iron and clockwork, of brass and gears, with the hiss of steam and the clash of metal echoing through its halls. Yes, that’s right, 'twas a Steampunk Night Before Christmas.

There’s the toy factory, with its assembly lines of workers, run by giant cogs and gears and pulleys, and a sputtering, puffing engine -fed by coal- powering the whole works. The elves wear goggles, leather gloves and aprons, over natty suits, clanging and banging as they make the toys.

Outside is Santa’s sleigh, packed with those playthings, belching smoke and vapour from its pipes and valves. The air is alive with its noise, a droning snarl announcing its presence as the coal-powered engine produces steam and fires on all pistons. In front are harnessed the reindeer, all nine wondrous beasts of iron, marvels of mechanized automatons. From Prancer to Rudolph with his illuminated nose, they stand eager to fly, rocket packs at the ready.

And here comes St. Nick, dressed in red leather and black boots, his long coat sweeping the top of the snow. His goggles are perched atop his head, his pipe in mouth, and his pistol on his hip. He climbs in his sleigh and snaps the reins. With a grind of gears and a roar of flame they are away into flight.

Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!