Sarah
sat in a coffee shop, staring out a window. She didn't want to think about what
happened with Jason, about why she was single again, or why he was gone. Sarah
thought she found her home with him, that they belonged together, but it fell
apart so badly. She wanted to act as if it were just another breakup, except
this time things were different.
“God,
I acted like a crazy freak. I bet Jason thought so too before…” Sarah closed
her eyes, blocking the memory of that night.
That’s
why she sat here drinking a latte instead of going home. She didn't have to
face her troubles here, just stare out the window and pretend. In her apartment,
the reminders lingered.
“I
know I’m going crazy.” She whispered her fears into her half-empty coffee cup.
“I’m turning out like Mom.”
Sarah
could still hear that phrase in her head.
The strong don’t break; they snap.
That’s
how her mother’s problem was
explained to a five-year-old Sarah by her Aunt Rachel.
And here I am at twenty, wondering if I've
snapped too.
She
didn't know how else to explain the things she wanted, the thoughts in her
brain, her behaviour for the last few weeks. She drained the last of her coffee
and sighed.
Hiding isn't going to help me though. I
need to find answers. I just wish I knew where. I wish I had someone to talk to.
I wish I didn't feel so alone.
She
certainly couldn't count on her mess of a family. Her father moved out of the
city last year, but even before, they had never been close, never connected
after her mother went away. And her Aunt Rachel drifted out of her life after
high school. She was on her own, the same old pattern.
Sarah
sighed again. She knew she couldn't put it off anymore. She trashed her disposable
coffee cup, left the shop, and drove home.
Inside
her apartment, Sarah gazed over the stylish space that used to be her
sanctuary, her refuge. She walked across the tile to the kitchen, trying not to
look at the pale, scrubbed spot with its still-visible bloodstain. She opened
the refrigerator and took out some of the raw meat that used to be her
boyfriend Jason. She preheated a frying pan, added a little olive oil and
seasoning, and fried part of his arm for supper. After that, she watched some
TV and went to bed, dreading the next day.
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