Drabble Wednesday: A Punny Night at the Movies

This week, as I have a bit of a hectic schedule, I’m reaching into the vault for some stories I penned for a now defunct writing group. Here’s a group of some cinema inspired drabbles…

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre Golf Club

“Badgers, we ain’t got no stinkin’ badgers!”

I blinked. The lying left-handed weasel! “But you’re a badger!”

“Nope, I’m an armadillo.”

“Wrong. You’re a badger who’s been digging holes on the golf course. Why?”

“I’m a vegetarian, looking for mushrooms.”

This conversation was madness. “Liar!  You were looking for the treasure!”

“Maybe I am.”

“I know where it is and I’ll tell you for a share and an answer to my question.”

“What question?”

“Why are you wearing sunglasses?”

“Oh, that. They keep the dirt out of my eyes when I dig.  Now where’s the treasure?”

“Under the caddy’s shack.”

Little Garden of Horrors

What was I thinking? Why did I snoop around the Westland Botanical Gardens in the wee hours trying to discover about the noises and lights? I wouldn't be in this mess if I’d stayed at home.

I just had to be a hero, and check it out, but how was I to know?  I figured it was kids, or vandals, or maybe somebody growing an illegal plant or two. I never thought it would be that nerd neighbour of mine, Seymour, growing some mutant, flesh eating plant!

And if I don’t loosen these ropes I’m going to be plant food!

A Wrong Turn

One wrong turn in Albuquerque and I found myself at some nutty Spring Break party. With a drooling twenty-something breathing alcohol fumes in my face. I turned away, feeling shaky.

“You’re Shirley, right? The gal my buds set me up with?”

“Afraid not. I’m just here by accident. You’d better take off.”

“Nah, you’re Shirley, I know you are.”

This guy was asking for it. “Listen, idiot. I’m not Shirley. I am, however, an annoyed and hungry vampire who’d love to make you my next meal.”

“Ha, ha. Real funny joke, Shirley.”

"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

Book Spotlight: Dwarves in Space

Today I have another book spotlight, a sneak peek of the upcoming sci-fi/fantasy mashup, Dwarves in Space by S.E. Zbasnik. The book has a release date of April 8th.

Dwarves in Space by S.E. Zbasnik

Thousands of years after the jewelry’s destroyed, the sword reforged, the dragon ridden, and the indecipherable prophecy translated into a recipe for sugared biscuits, the dwarves turned to that final frontier: space. And along came the elves, orcs, gnomes, trolls, ogres, and those vermin-like upstarts, humans.

Dwarves in Space is Tolkien merged with Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in a horrific transporter accident.

The Elation-Cru is not the flashiest ship, nor the newest, or even has all of its bolts attached; but she can fly. Well, sort of wade through space, and that’s when all the parts are working. She supports a sugar addicted dwarven pilot, an elven engineer, an orcish doctor, a silent djinn, and the lone human trying to hold the entire thing together with duct tape. Variel, the captain, has been hiding from a secret for the past five years and time’s finally run out.

When she goes against her common sense and fights to save her onboard assassin/renter from a job gone sour, she finds herself before an ex-colleague that knew her in her previous life as the Knight of the realm. The entire ship is sent on a mad dash across the universe — from a decaying space station, home to the wackiest species the galaxy has to offer, down to the Orc homeworld, which wouldn’t be so bad if Variel hadn’t spent most of her previous life fighting in the war against them. Chances of survival are nil and slipping fast.

You can find Dwarves in Space on Amazon

Available now for pre-order, releases April 8th, 2015.

Author Bio:

S.E. Zbasnik has published three fantasy books. Tin Hero and TerraFae follow a female heroine on a classic fantasy quest to mess with some elves and crack jokes along the way. Her most recent book is The King’s Blood, about a 16 year old black girl tasked with saving her kingdom before a bunch of magical zombies destroy it. Typical stuff.

Drabble Wednesday: Sailing The Strange Seas

Today on Drabble Wednesday we’re hoisting the mainsail and taking to the oceans. I have pirates, sea creatures and ghost ships steering a course through my drabbles, and, as an extra treat, some flash fiction. So read on and breathe in the salt air…

Beware the Kraken

“Be that a storm, Capt’n?”

The sailor at the helm pointed to the ominous, inky shadow gathering on the horizon.

Captain Kenyon peered with his spyglass. “That’s no storm, that’s a ship. That’s the Kraken! Increase the speed, Mr. Anders! ‘Tis pirates a‘coming!” To the rest of the crew he shouted, “Full sail! Man your stations!”

Mr. Anders obeyed posthaste, but asked, “The Kraken? Ain’t she but a myth?”

“Nay. She’s half ship, half-beast, and all pirate. We’d all best pray.”

Running fast, the Captain held out hope. Until a tentacle whipped across the sea foam and snagged the rudder.

Welcome to Skull Island

The rain lashed the sails, and above Toby’s head the lightning cracked the sky. He heard waves pound against the ship’s wooden sides as the Obsidian Blade cut through the waters. Then footsteps sounded, even through the storm; the heavy tread of Captain Walsh’s boots.

“A wild night for a homecoming, eh lad?”

Toby longed to turn his head and spit in the Captain’s eye, but tied as he was to the figurehead he could only stare from the vessel’s bow towards the craggy rocks ahead. He shivered at his view, the looming spectre of the pirate’s stronghold, Skull Island.

Ghosts of the Sea Moon

The moon blended into the obsidian sky, a luminescent silver veneer striding across the horizon. Its grace swayed and suspended on shifting ethereal clouds, and its children stars gathered close in a bright, shimmering embrace. To the melancholy sailor on deck it seemed the lunar object to be the ship’s destination, the full sail and choppy wake speeding the vessel to the heavens.

“She’s a sight, the Sea Moon. Once a year, she looms this vast and grand above us, beckoning home her seafaring brood. But she’d swallow us whole if we let it her.”

The sailor flinched, the captain’s voice abrupt and loud in his ear. No warning the man gave to his presence, for the ship’s master had a step quiet as a cat’s paw.

“Do you really think it would swallow the ship, sir?”

“Aye, in a fashion. Not the moon itself mind you, but the celestial magic spilling into the air and sea. And it could do worse, if we miscalculate the bearings. It’s tricky work navigating these moonbeam waters, and the otherworldly rifts.” Then the captain smiled, and clapped a hand on the sailor’s shoulder. “But not to worry, lad, I've been doing this run a long, long time, and I never floundered my ship in the hoary moon mist yet. I’ll get you home.”

“Home.” The sailor let the word flop on his tongue, its taste bitter. “Home is far behind this ship, back on shore with a weeping widow, who barely had time to be a bride.”

“Aye, lad. I’m sorry for what you've lost, and the hardship of your death. I hope you take some comfort in the fact I plucked your spirit from the deep, before the sea demons feasted on your soul. Moreover, be glad you finally accepted your fate. Some never leave this ship, vainly hoping to find a way back to the living.” A fleeting frown crossed his lips, and then pivoted back to his customarily, wry smile. “Besides, my lad, you’ll see your widow bride again one day, in the afterlife you’re seeking, and there’ll be people that went before waiting for you. So be cheered.”

The sailor said nothing, simply turned his face to the imposing moon, as the ship of ghosts sailed toward his last port of call.

A Review of The Scent of His Feathers

I have a review for you today, a book of poetry from the talented author, Ash Krafton...

My Review of The Scent of His Feathers

The thread of relationship, human connection, winds its way through this book creating a marvellous tapestry of broken hearts, searching souls, yearning spirits, lost hope, and hesitant faith. The thread coils its way through fascinating paths, intersecting darkness and death, connecting fantasy and reality, until it makes its way past starlight musings into universal truth.

The poems in this book are both profound and personal, objective and reflective. They play with words and dance along the edges of the shadows. I delighted in the expressive imagery conjured and emotional infusion contained with the penned lines (some of my personal favourites were Hush, Six Words For Edgar, Gaslight Fancies, Passage, Natural Deception, Note To Self:, and Oubliette). The Scent of His Feathers is superb, and I highly recommend this volume of poetry.

You can find The Scent of His Feathers at:

Amazon

Smashwords

Goodreads

Book Spotlight: The Court of Stars

Today we're venturing into strange worlds with the spotlight on a debut sci-fi novel, The Court of Stars by Malcolm Schmitz. The book is the first in the planned Commonwealth Quartet series, so read on and enjoy...

The Court of Stars by Malcolm Schmitz

The universe is bigger and stranger than Christian Arundel could ever have imagined- and right now, almost everything in it is trying to kill him.

On the eve of Christian's betrothal to a woman he doesn't love, the castle where he lives is attacked by a force of demons from the sky. When he tries to fight against them, he's taken prisoner. One of their other prisoners, a sarcastic miniature dragon named Miriet, agrees to help him escape.

Christian must learn how to use the demons' weapons to escape their clutches, but that's only the beginning. To rescue the people he loves, he must cross half the world and return to the invaders' ship.

You can find The Court of Stars on Amazon

And check out the Kickstarter campaign for the book and proposed series

Author Bio:

Malcolm Schmitz was born in a small-town hospital in Ohio, where the doctors said he was a girl. Shortly after that, a doctor said that he was autistic. Only one of those things proved to be true.

He currently lives in the American Midwest, where he writes books full of aliens, dragons, and gay people. The Court of Stars is his first novel.