A strange indulgence today Coffin Hoppers, as this odd transcript of an interview came into my possession, and I felt I had to share…
“Welcome everyone, to another Fireside Chat. I’m Richard Dale, your host. Today, the demon Balthazar (from the Killers and Demons series) has stopped by and kindly consented to talk with—”
“I have not consented to anything. I was ordered here by… never you mind who. I rather be anywhere else. Even watching one of those insufferable reality TV shows would be preferable to this torture.”
Unnerved, Mr. Dale fidgets. “Very well, then. I’ll try to make this as quick as possible—”
Richard Dale frowns, but continues. “First, tell our audience a bit about yourself.”
“Why would I do that?”
“If you don’t answer, it will just prolong this interview.”
Balthazar sighs. “Oh, very well. If I must participate in this inane ritual, I must. I’m a demon, and a bounty hunter for Hell. I track down escaped souls and send the worthless wretches back where they belong. Satisfied?”
With a smirk, he replies, “Very. Now do you have any hobbies?”
“Killing, maiming, disembowelment, incinerating humans with Hellfire.”
A rather frightened look passes over Mr Dale’s face. “Um, very cheery pastimes. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?”
He swallows, turning slightly pale. “Which living person do you most despise?”
“Must I pick just one? I quite despise your whole race.”
Mr Dale weakly laughs. “Well, you must be fun at parties. Next question: What do you consider the most overrated virtue?”
“Of course.” Richard Dale loosens his tie, smiles briefly and continues. “What is your idea of perfect happiness”?
“What kind of a question is that? Happiness is for weak humans… ” Balthazar pauses, and an unsettling smile crosses his lips. “Although, I rather miss my days as a pirate, during the early 18th century. Such good times back then. The smell of salty sea air mixed with blood, the cannon fire, the killing, and generally wreaking of havoc. Yes, such good times.”
Mr Dale pushes his chair backwards, away from his guest. “What is it that you most dislike?”
A tiny gasp escapes Richard Dale’s lips, and his hands tighten around the arms of the chair where he is seated. “What one word best describes you?”
Balthazar snorts. “Where do you come up with this drivel? Who goes around describing themselves? But to answer the question, I’d use the word ruthless.” He smiles again.
Trembling, Mr Dale squeaks out a final query. “Last question. What is your first memory?
“Wonderful, it’s over.” Balthazar reaches down and pick up his hat. “My first memory is snapping the neck of a lesser demon and eating its bones. I was two years old by demon standards and my father was so proud. May I leave now?”
“Yes please do. I think I need a drink, anyway.”
“I recommend the whiskey. I had some before you arrived. Goodbye. I hope we never meet again.” In a cloud of smoke and the stench of brimstone Balthazar disappeared.
I hope you enjoyed this adventure, and don’t forget to keep hopping for more fun. You can find the list of participants at http://coffinhop.com/
And here’s my contest.